lexicon lusciousness

i am writing my next newsletter, and hence looking over my notes from jubilee. i went to one of lauren winner's break-out sessions, which was entitled, "lies the church has told about sex." it was based on her book real sex: the naked truth about chastity. if you havn't read it, you should. in it and in this session, she was talking about faithful christian embodiment. she says that chastity is conforming your body to the arc of the gospel, and that the church has not always done a good job of teaching the spiritual discipline of chastity. in an effort to help, it has misled. for example:
myth #1: if you have premarital sex, you'll feel terrible.
however, sometimes having premarital sex doesn't feel terrible. the truth is, sex outside of marriage is destructive, even when it doesn't FEEL destructive. because we are fallen people, sometimes our feelings don't accurately match the way we should feel.
myth #2: women don't have sexual desires. it is their job to keep men's sexual desires under control.
this is absolutely not true. both men and women experience sexual desire. in fact, the idea that only men experience sexual desire is fairly new; a hundred years ago, men were assumed to be bastions of morality, and women were thought to be "lascivious, libidinous, and wanton." (she actually used all those words IN ONE SENTENCE. twincredible.) so both genders have sexual desires, but desire can be disciplined.
myth #3: premarital sex is the unforgiveable sin.
the truth is that behaviors have consequences. our decisions today will affect our lives and marriages later. however, most of the time, when we talk about premarital sex, we use language about scars and ghosts. the idea is that engaging in premarital sex will leave us marked and broken forever, and the ghosts of past sexual partners will hover around our marriage beds. this language of scars does not fit with the biblical assurances of psalm 51: "cleanse me with hyssop, and i will be clean. wash me, and i will be whiter than snow."
she also spoke about the term "renewed virgin." she doesn't like this term, because, first of all, it is false. recommitting to abstinence before marriage after engaging in premarital sex will not cause your virginity to "grow back." you cannot become a virgin again. second, the term values virginity, not chastity. and it is chastity that we should be aiming for, which is ever so much more than virginity. it is, as i wrote before, "conforming your body to the arc of the gospel." we could be virgins, and yet be far from chaste.
a few months ago, i had a great conversation with a student about her sexual past, and how she felt that the church saw her as a lost cause because she is no longer a virgin. we started talking about this book, and she came to jubilee, went to this session, and loved it! i think it was great for her to hear christians talking about sex in a healthier, more biblical way that affirms her desire to pursue chastity.

ms. winner (i've met her now, so i assume i could call her lauren) also used the following quote by c.s. lewis, which i loved:
“Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket--safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”
true, true.
that's it for now. pax.