nearly dying

so last night khadija and i laid down in the middle of an intersection to watch the lights change. we were in robinson, which is normally a very very very busy shopping center near my house. d and i had been sitting in steak n shake discussing some things that we're dealing with lately, and finally we realized that it was quarter after one. we decided to leave. when we walked outside, it was so quiet (except for some apparently nocturnal birds) that we just stood still to listen to this anomaly. there was nobody out, because nobody actually LIVES in robinson... it's all malls. so, we decided to do what we would never be able to do there in broad daylight: lay down in the middle of the street. it was just like the notebook, but far less romantic, as khadija and i are not romantically interested in each other. nothing happened, and we didn't nearly die or anything. but now when we're eighty, we can say, "remember that time we laid in the intersection to watch the lights change in robinson?" and then we will laugh.

summer fun

hello everyone...
i haven't posted this week at all due a homework and weekend trip crunch. i'm going away to splash lagoon with my middle and high schoolers in about two hours. we went last year, and it was awesome! (though i wish jack and erin were coming again this year.) anyhow, i've been busy trying to get all that together, and i have two papers due for grad school TODAY. so, this is all you're getting. just an invitation to be jealous of me while i go enjoy the 80 degree weather, hot tubs, and awesomeness that is splash lagoon, "Your Indoor Water Resort!"

prayer of st. francis

i have always loved this prayer. someone sang it at my parents' wedding, and i think it's beautiful. enjoy.

make me a channel of your peace
where there is hatred, let me bring your love
where there is injury, your pardon, Lord
and where there's doubt true faith in you

o Spirit, grant that i would never seek
so much to be consoled as to console
to be understood, as to understand
to be loved, as to love with all my soul

make me a channel of your peace
where there's despair in life, let me bring hope
where there is darkness, let me bring your light
and where there's sadness, ever joy

make make me a channel of your peace
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned
in giving to all that we will receive
and in dying that we're born to eternal life

attic attack

i nearly died today. this afternoon i was home cleaning my apartment when i heard a strange noise upstairs. my windows were open (since it's 70 degrees here), and so i thought it was the strings from the blinds flapping in the wind. however, the flapping was followed by a thud, and then a crash. then the flapping started again. i went over to the stairs to the third floor, and this time i could hear the flapping better... it was quite clearly some winged creature, wreaking havoc in my attic. now, the attic is finished, with skylights and couches and lamps and many things to be knocked over. however, my greatest fear was that The Thing would come swooping down the stairs and dive at my head, tangling itself in my hair and pecking my eyeballs out. even worse, it could be a bat. sick sick sick sick sick. so, like any normal person would do in such an emergency, i started to freak out. (i just got shudders again thinking about it. oh gosh.) i was crouching on the stairs, holding a mirror at an angle and trying to get a good view of the third floor without actually having to venture up there, putting myself in grave danger. every time i thought i might be getting close enough to see something, the flapping got louder and i flipped out and ran back down the stairs. hence, my exploratory endeavors were failing, and there was no way i was going to go up there without proper eye protection. so, i called my landlord. he didn't answer. i thought about just leaving my apartment, but i had all these visions of wreckage and bird poop everywhere. and if it was a bat, it might eventually settle down, but i couldn't bear the thought of not knowing where it was. so, being the empowered woman that i am, i ran downstairs and got my neighbor. i made him come up and check out my intruder situation. he didn't have any luck with the mirror thing either, so he went up there, and then screamed a bit and yelled down to me, "it's a huge bird! don't worry, it won't hurt you!" i was unsure of this, so i cautiously climbed halfway up the stairs. a vase of flowers was knocked over, half my candles were on the floor, there was bird poop on my couch and on one of my chairs, and it had knocked my chess set over and a frisbee onto the floor. then i saw the bird, dive-bombing the window, trying to get out. my neighbor opened one of the other windows, and after a minute, it found its way out. i keep getting chills just thinking about it again! there was a bird in my house! i have no idea how it got in, but i'm glad it's out. sick!
well, that's my big story for the day. i'm going to chicago tomorrow, so don't expect much from me for a few days. adios.

lexicon lusciousness

i am writing my next newsletter, and hence looking over my notes from jubilee. i went to one of lauren winner's break-out sessions, which was entitled, "lies the church has told about sex." it was based on her book real sex: the naked truth about chastity. if you havn't read it, you should. in it and in this session, she was talking about faithful christian embodiment. she says that chastity is conforming your body to the arc of the gospel, and that the church has not always done a good job of teaching the spiritual discipline of chastity. in an effort to help, it has misled. for example:
myth #1: if you have premarital sex, you'll feel terrible.
however, sometimes having premarital sex doesn't feel terrible. the truth is, sex outside of marriage is destructive, even when it doesn't FEEL destructive. because we are fallen people, sometimes our feelings don't accurately match the way we should feel.
myth #2: women don't have sexual desires. it is their job to keep men's sexual desires under control.
this is absolutely not true. both men and women experience sexual desire. in fact, the idea that only men experience sexual desire is fairly new; a hundred years ago, men were assumed to be bastions of morality, and women were thought to be "lascivious, libidinous, and wanton." (she actually used all those words IN ONE SENTENCE. twincredible.) so both genders have sexual desires, but desire can be disciplined.
myth #3: premarital sex is the unforgiveable sin.
the truth is that behaviors have consequences. our decisions today will affect our lives and marriages later. however, most of the time, when we talk about premarital sex, we use language about scars and ghosts. the idea is that engaging in premarital sex will leave us marked and broken forever, and the ghosts of past sexual partners will hover around our marriage beds. this language of scars does not fit with the biblical assurances of psalm 51: "cleanse me with hyssop, and i will be clean. wash me, and i will be whiter than snow."
she also spoke about the term "renewed virgin." she doesn't like this term, because, first of all, it is false. recommitting to abstinence before marriage after engaging in premarital sex will not cause your virginity to "grow back." you cannot become a virgin again. second, the term values virginity, not chastity. and it is chastity that we should be aiming for, which is ever so much more than virginity. it is, as i wrote before, "conforming your body to the arc of the gospel." we could be virgins, and yet be far from chaste.
a few months ago, i had a great conversation with a student about her sexual past, and how she felt that the church saw her as a lost cause because she is no longer a virgin. we started talking about this book, and she came to jubilee, went to this session, and loved it! i think it was great for her to hear christians talking about sex in a healthier, more biblical way that affirms her desire to pursue chastity.

ms. winner (i've met her now, so i assume i could call her lauren) also used the following quote by c.s. lewis, which i loved:
“Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket--safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”
true, true.
that's it for now. pax.

postsecret.chom

misslay sent me this link. fascinating concept. check it out.

the north side

hello all. i'm become aware that my blog has been dismally boring of late. (and i bet you thought i was going to attempt to fix that now. you were wrong.) i'm not sure why, but my creativity level is bordering on non-existant. my apologies.
i've been hanging out on the north side of the city this week. yesterday i had my supervision meeting at the vault coffee and tea bar, which i like. newfriendphil was working there, so i hung around for a bit after my boss left and did sudoku puzzles with him. he lives on the north side, and last night andrew and i went there to hang out with him. we listened to the red house painters and anathallo and ate burnt popcorn and stayed up too late. and then i went to the pyn today (that's pittsburgh youth network for you out-of-townies) at pnc park. this dude was speaking about his passion for the emergent church, and it was pretty interesting. his vision for the emergent church around here has a lot to do with the city... for a few decades now, people have been trying to make pittsburgh as famous for God as it was for steel. the christians are trying to think of ways to unite the city around faith instead of football, for example. but he said something interesting that i'd never thought of before: when we talk about our churches, we split up on denominational lines. but in the new testament, the defining characteristic of each church was geographical. everything is written about the church of corinth, or of thessolonica, or of laodecia (luke-warm as it may be). so this morning, as we looked over the city out the windows of the pirates stadium, we were thinking and praying about what the church of pittsburgh would be like. it was pretty amazing to join hands and pray with people from all over the city that God would do something big here. it's a good time to be in pittsburgh.
afterwards andrew and i went out for coffee at beleza, a new place that opened on the north side last weekend. it's owned by newfriendphil and some of his friends from hope. it's pretty great. plus the girl who was working there today is pretty great, and i think we might be friends.
so i'm enjoying my exploits on the north shore. there are art museums and coffee shops and stadiums and red brick rowhouses. PLUS, it's much closer to my house. good times.
well, i'm off to watch my middle schoolers in hopewell junior high's performance of the classic musical, annie. i hope your evenings are equally enjoyable.
pax.