absolution

yesterday at the geneva HED christmas party, we played a game of sorts, which i won. i received a package that included the following variety of green and white items:

--whitening toothpaste
--whitening gum
--whitening tooth-covering apparatus
--dental floss (the kind that is suspended on a wish-bone like structure)
--gum-pickers
--an electric toothbrush designed for children that has a dolphin on it. my professor commented that it is a "porpoise driven life" toothbrush.

(at this point i started to sense a theme, and got a little self-conscious about my teeth. however, as the game was not rigged, i was forced to conclude that this collection of items was not intended to spur me, personally, on towards better dental hygiene.) the following items were non-tooth related:
--12-pack of sprite
--geneva college watch
and my personal favorite:
--"wash away your sins towlettes." the packaging claims that they are "heavenly scented," "handy, reliable," and contain an "anti-bacterial formula that kills sins on contact." the back of the package gives directions for "righting your wrongs with a wipe!"
1. remove moist towlette
2. devoutly wipe away wrong-doing
3. spot-check for stubborn guilt
4. wipe again as needed
5. discard sins in waste receptacle
6. go forth purified & moisturized

fantastic. i'm saving those for next time i do something really bad. it's kind of like a get-out-of-jail-free card. may you all be so lucky this christmas.