every piece of clothes that's my FAVORITE

Last night I was talking to my Anya about what we'll be like when we're old. She thought that maybe she'd like to be very elegant one day, and she said that the next day she'll "just wear every piece of clothes that's my FAVORITE." This makes me laugh and smile, and reminds me of this poem:

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals, and say we've no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick flowers in other people's gardens
And learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go
Or only bread and pickles for a week
And hoard pens and pencils and beer mats and things in boxes.
But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
And pay our rent and not swear in the street
And set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

--Jenny Joseph

i'm so fancy.

justin, you'll be happy to know that today i reached a new level of professionalism. i donned my black suit this morning (before sunrise, i might add) and went to a donor breakfast at the duquesne club, which is one of the fanciest buildings i've ever been in. it's one of these joints where there are actual chandeliers, thick carpets, and long hall ways with lots of pretentiously named rooms. we actually had to sign in and then call from a phone in the hallway and state our purpose before they would unlock the door to permit us entrance. it was a breakfast for potential donors to my organization, kind of a "get to know us" type of thing. the breakfast itself wasn't too fancy, but as i stood there in my suit with my dress socks and heels, talking to vice presidents and CEOs, i must say i was extremely nervous. i still feel like a kid! since when do i get invited to some event held in a building that has bathrooms with REAL EMBROIDERED HAND TOWELS instead of paper ones? i guess i've entered the adult world. how many events do you have to go to before you stop feeling like a fraud? anyhow, it was exciting. in actuality, my part is not such a big deal; it was mostly the setting that made me a bit anxious. something about wearing a suit makes you do everything slower, probably for fear of spilling or tripping or otherwise embarrassing yourself. hopefully next time i won't be so starry-eyed and nervous. i'm going to go change.

she's back.

hello. i don't have much to say today... just checkin in i guess. i've been at staff seminar out in the stix for a few days with no interweb. i'm not feeling incredibly long-winded today, so i'll do some bullet-point announcements.

• i am feeling much better. thanks to khadija for the chicken noodle soup.
  
• i bought some new books. three, to be exact. i got the drama of scripture, which i'm very excited about. (read my "ms. pac-man and a breakthrough" post for explanation.) i also bought a tiny red leather-bound bible to carry around in my bag in place of my ginormous study bible. it's TNIV. fanTAStic. and, the long awaited memoir... through painted deserts by the one and only donald miller, author of blue like jazz and searching for God knows what. i'll let you know what i think. i have high hopes.
• teaching non-midwetesterners to play euchre at two in the morning is likely to be unsuccessful.
• my betta fish kenny is alive and well. he has taken to scurrying frantically around his bowl when i come into the room. maybe he does it all the time IRregardless of my presence, but i take it as a sign of his affection. or we might be in a fight because i had to leave him alone for a day and a half to go to staff training. next time, i'll get a betta-sitter.
  
• my parents sold our house. now, mom and dad, i know you read this. i want to stress that i am not angry with you. i understand that it is the best decision for the needs of our family at this stage in our lives. i even like the new house. it is beautiful, and i am looking forward to making new memories there. that said, i am still feeling what could be accurately described as devastation. has anyone else experienced this loss of home and center that can speak comfort to me in my time of need? is it really so awful as i am imagining? anya has suggested taking pictures of the house and everything in it, to preserve the memories. there are little things i remember about the places i have lived, things that i looked at every day that made them home. often these things are imperfections, but they hold memories of family and friends. for example, before we (and by "we" i mean my parents) remodeled the house i grew up in, there was a tiny strip of wallpaper that had been torn away along the edge of the wall by the stairs. my father was furious about it, and asked my sisters and me which of us had ripped the paper from the wall. i remember that stephanie told him that our dog murray had done it. when my father told her that murray could not possibly have done it, she suggested that perhaps it was fred, her pet goldfish. she always was a liar. (jk, baby.) or in my apartment on richard terrace, affectionately known as "the man trap," there are many flaws that evoke memories, such as the hole in the wall in the hallway with the wires sticking out, or the eye-sore of a light fixture in my bedroom, or the chipped paint on the coffee table in the living room. i suppose in the long run, it's not the house that makes it home. it's not the carpet stains in my old bedroom, or the height charts we drew in the storage room downstairs, or my sisters' initials carved in the cement on the driveway. it's not the fort in the backyard, or the tree out front where we took our prom pictures. and even though i'll always love that house and the sounds and smells and sights that it holds, it's my family, the people that helped make the memories, that will always be home.

so much for the bullet points. enough for now.

achoo, achoo. i am so sick.

i think i've been working too much. my body is protesting with a splitting headache and intermittent waves of nausea. i'm going home. if you don't have anything to do tonight, come by and bring me some soup. i'll be back when the storm blows over. bye now.

check this out.

http://andy.saturn9.ws/Photo%20Albums/sidewalk/

twincredible.

ms. pac-man and a breakthrough

i have finally arrived... in 1982. this weekend, i played ms. pac-man on the ancient atari for the very first time in my life. i had forgotten about the joystick phenomenon. we didn't have video games at my house as a child, and i never really got the hang of it. i will say, however, that the technology has come a very, very long way. (nice photo gallery, btw, hibbies.) so, me + video games never really worked out. but i can play barbies like nobody's business.
in other (slightly more important) news, i think my church had a breakthrough today. i've talked to some of you about this before, and so i decided to post about it. for the past few weeks i've been pretty frustrated with some pretty important stuff at my church. there are two main things that have been weighing on my heart: a) biblical illiteracy and b) lack of Kingdom focus. first, the bible. i'm coming from the crc tradition, which is comparitively much more academic and theological than some other denominations, including (it seems) the presbyterian church. however, i'm not expecting that everyone be biblical scholars, able to expound and comment on the works of josephus or the jewish festival schedule. even so, i am very frustrated by the lack of biblical knowledge here. a lot of people, including some of the elders, don't know things that i had considered to be basics: the order of books in the bible, the general storyline, main characters, etc. most of the studies we do in sunday school, small groups, and to some extent, even the sermons, are topical in nature, rather than exegetical. i've been feeling quite convicted lately that we need to actually open the bible and read what it says, rather than pulling a few verses from here and a few from there to make a point about forgiveness or grace or whathaveyou. i think we cripple it when we fail to read it as it is written: in letters and stories. we as a church need to grow in this area.
second, i have been very frustrated with the amount of self-focus, both at the individual and church levels. we are just finishing a major building project, and because of that, the church has been turned inward for this past year. i have only been here for a year, and i can't say what it was like before the building project started. however, it is finished now, and i think we need to start looking out at the community and its needs.
on the individual level, the church is endorsing a message of personal fulfillment and prosperity. "get jesus in your life. he will bless you and make you a blessing. your life will be so much better with jesus." now, before i go off on a tangent, i believe that these statements are true. however, i do not think that they are necessarily true in the way that we would like to think they are. yes, your life will be better once you surrender it to God. BUT, there is no guarantee that "better" equals more money, a bigger house, freedom from illness or death of loved ones, or that the consequences from previous mistakes will be waived. God may or may not choose to bless us with material wealth. God may or may not choose to heal us from sickness or protect us from pain. God only promises to be with us during our times of suffering, not to excuse us from it. the bible is full of examples of people who were being faithful who were tempted and tried, who suffered and sometimes even died BECAUSE they were faithful. a life with jesus is better than a life without him because we were meant to be in a relationship with God. and God has things for us to do. God is in the process of making all things new, and we have been invited to help. but we need to stop focusing on our lives and our own problems, and instead focus on the kingdom of God and our role in it.
i decided to talk to my pastor last week about these things. i was very nervous, because i was afraid that he would think i was telling him how to do his job. however, it actually went very well. and then this morning, his sermon was on precisely these two things. throughout the entire sermon, i sat in the pew with a smile on my face. this is only the beginning, but i think we're getting somewhere, and i'm glad.

alphabets

sarah fuller just told me that my spiritual gift is spelling.

spelling.

you're a meanie, sarah fuller.

no purpling.

when i went to camp ao-wa-kia as a child (yes, i went to camp. i used to camp a lot. i am not entirely high-maintenance. or at least i didn't used to be.), the counselors told us that there were pink areas (girls only) and blue areas (boys only), and there was to be no "purpling." by this they meant that we weren't supposed to go into areas that were exclusively for the other gender, and if we did, we had to wear some sort of toilet seat around our necks. hmmm.
you may be wondering why i am bringing this up. last night, a few of the males at my fellowship group decided that they want to crash my women's bible study on monday nights. i can't really articulate what is so offensive about having boys in an intentionally all-girls small group, but i think that we can all agree that there are some times that we just don't need to have the purpling. women's bible study may (and i would argue, IS) one of those times. however, the protesting went on for so long, and i became so tired of it, that i finally conceded that IF they could round up at least 20 young men who wanted to go to a bible study AND have them all come up to bible study next monday night, THEN i would graciously allow them to stay, so long as they sat quietly and did not interrupt me. if i can get 20 guys to bible study, i guess i'll take it. however, i am afraid that it might cause an uproar. i suppose we shall see.
well, i gotta go have dinner with matt (mhmm... qdoba...) but i will be back. i have to turn in an outline to the president of my organization by tomorrow, and i have not yet finished it. i've been asked to speak at a breakfast for potential donors, and so i have to do a really good job.
"goodbye, goodbye, goodbye old friend..." i heart patty griffin.

come on get in the boat, fish. come on and get in the boat, fish fish.

a few of my students bought me a betta fish yesterday. they wanted to give me something after my grandfater died, and they said that flowers die too fast. so now, i am the proud owner and caretaker of a beautiful indigo betta. he lives in a bowl with pink rocks in my bedroom, and he thinks that the mirror behind him is an attacker. i heard that bettas are fairly short-tempered, and i was afraid he'd worry himself to death, so i moved the mirror. i was suprised to see that i talked to him a fair amount this morning as i was getting ready... perhaps it's time for a roommate again. anyhow, my new friend needs a name. so far, i have received the following submissions:
1. kenny, in honor of my grandfather (whose name was kenneth, but went by ken).
2. augustus
3. johnny c, after chalvinchollege
4. brutus

any suggestions?

what the ?!?!?

i found this picture, and i'll be honest, i don't know where it came from. however, i have a pretty good guess, and I AM APPALLED. what do you think?
(click on the picture for a larger view)

bloody murder

i am back in pittsburgh now, and i'm trying to put all the pieces back together. luckily, it does not appear that anything fell irreparably apart while i was gone. i love my staff, and they took care of everything. i'm at church at the moment, where there is a beautiful wedding going on. meanwhile, a very small little girl who i had assumed was the flower girl, is screaming bloody murder in the bathroom across from my office. the pitch is high enough to curdle milk, if a sound could possibly do that, and it's reverberating all around the bathroom, bouncing off the walls and the doors that she so artfully covered in pencil scribbles not fifteen minutes ago. i've not been able to discern what her problem is, but the wedding is going on without her.
so i'm back at it. wish me luck.

thanks y'all

i just wanted to say thank you to all of you who called, emailed, and visited me this week. i really appreciate all your concern for me and my family during this time. i feel very lucky to have friends who love and care for me, so thanks.
i'll be leaving GR tomorrow morning before the sun even thinks about coming up, and i'll be back in the pittsburgh area around 11:15. i'm looking for a volunteer to come pick me up from the aeropuerto, so if you read this tonight and you want to come get me, call me on my cell phone. i'll see (some of) you tomorrow.
heart,
kath!

fare thee well

my grandfather died around 7:30 this morning. it was about as smooth and as peaceful as anyone could have hoped. he's been very sick for quite a while, and has been miserable since my grandma passed away almost two years ago. he never really recovered from losing her. in fact, on saturday morning, he was convinced that she was in the hospital too, and even though it was he who was slowly dying, he could think of nothing else than that she needed something. my parents called me on saturday morning to tell me that they didn't think he would make it much longer, so i decided to come home immediately. i got a bereavement flight on northwest for sunday morning, and when tracy and nate picked me up we went straight to see my grandpa. it turns out that i missed the last time he was conscious and talking by about a half an hour, but i think he knew i was there. i sat with him for a few hours in the afternoon, and then i went home to be with my family for awhile. my parents and i went back last night until about 2:30 in the morning. we didn't think it would be too long anymore after that, but he was comfortable, which i guess is all we could want for him anymore. i'm really glad that i came home when i did. i'm glad i got to say goodbye, and that i can be here with my family this week. we had a really good day today, especially considering the circumstances. but i actually love this part about death: everyone takes some time to just be together, to enjoy each other's company and to celebrate the life of our loved one, even while we mourn his death. i love the storytelling and the reminiscing that come along with death, and that through this odd twist, i find that i get to know my grandfather even better today than i did yesterday. my uncles and cousins have different memories and stories, and this collective sharing is good for my soul. thank you all for your prayers this week. i'm enjoying my time with my family more than i can say. if you are in the area and free this week, we would love to see you. the visitation will be on wednesday from 2-4 and 7-9, and the funeral is on thursday morning at eleven. if you'd like to come, call me and i'll give you directions. (also, anya knows.) i'm staying at my parents' house this week, and my cell phone doesn't get great reception. you can call me here, or leave a message on my voicemail, and i'll check it when i get out of the boondocks. okay. that's enough for today.

fire in paris

sam, are you okay?!?

can i give you my card?

it's official: justin bratt was right. i AM so professional. as of yesterday, i have business cards. i feel kind of like a fraud... or some shady businessperson. but, they are awesome. i designed them myself (with some help from microsoft publisher: i heart templates). i also printed and punched them out myself. but still, i think it counts. now i can hand out my card to students and staff. i think it gives me crediblity. maybe it doesn't, but it does make me feel less like a student and more like an adult. quick poll: do you any of you have business cards? sammy, i know you had some at your internship in DC last summer. and dugan, you have some too. i did have some at my gob'ment job my senior year in college. i will say though, these are much cooler.
in other news, gas hit an all-time high today. that is, until tomorrow, when i hear it's supposed to jump again. i just saw it for $2.99/gallon near my house, and $3.15/gallon closer to church. i feel sorry for all you suckers in michigan with your higher gas taxes. but even though i live in pennsylvania, i'm really not sure i can afford to go anywhere at this rate! no more driving all over creation for me. i'm about to be broke. (but i am taking donations... as always. :D log on to the cco website!) i need to check out the bus routes around here.
okie doke. time to get back to work. peace out.