Saturday, September 24, 2005

she's back.

hello. i don't have much to say today... just checkin in i guess. i've been at staff seminar out in the stix for a few days with no interweb. i'm not feeling incredibly long-winded today, so i'll do some bullet-point announcements.
  • i am feeling much better. thanks to khadija for the chicken noodle soup.
  • i bought some new books. three, to be exact. i got the drama of scripture, which i'm very excited about. (read my "ms. pac-man and a breakthrough" post for explanation.) i also bought a tiny red leather-bound bible to carry around in my bag in place of my ginormous study bible. it's TNIV. fanTAStic. and, the long awaited memoir... through painted deserts by the one and only donald miller, author of blue like jazz and searching for God knows what. i'll let you know what i think. i have high hopes.
  • teaching non-midwetesterners to play euchre at two in the morning is likely to be unsuccessful.
  • my betta fish kenny is alive and well. he has taken to scurrying frantically around his bowl when i come into the room. maybe he does it all the time IRregardless of my presence, but i take it as a sign of his affection. or we might be in a fight because i had to leave him alone for a day and a half to go to staff training. next time, i'll get a betta-sitter.
  • my parents sold our house. now, mom and dad, i know you read this. i want to stress that i am not angry with you. i understand that it is the best decision for the needs of our family at this stage in our lives. i even like the new house. it is beautiful, and i am looking forward to making new memories there. that said, i am still feeling what could be accurately described as devastation. has anyone else experienced this loss of home and center that can speak comfort to me in my time of need? is it really so awful as i am imagining? anya has suggested taking pictures of the house and everything in it, to preserve the memories. there are little things i remember about the places i have lived, things that i looked at every day that made them home. often these things are imperfections, but they hold memories of family and friends. for example, before we (and by "we" i mean my parents) remodeled the house i grew up in, there was a tiny strip of wallpaper that had been torn away along the edge of the wall by the stairs. my father was furious about it, and asked my sisters and me which of us had ripped the paper from the wall. i remember that stephanie told him that our dog murray had done it. when my father told her that murray could not possibly have done it, she suggested that perhaps it was fred, her pet goldfish. she always was a liar. (jk, baby.) or in my apartment on richard terrace, affectionately known as "the man trap," there are many flaws that evoke memories, such as the hole in the wall in the hallway with the wires sticking out, or the eye-sore of a light fixture in my bedroom, or the chipped paint on the coffee table in the living room. i suppose in the long run, it's not the house that makes it home. it's not the carpet stains in my old bedroom, or the height charts we drew in the storage room downstairs, or my sisters' initials carved in the cement on the driveway. it's not the fort in the backyard, or the tree out front where we took our prom pictures. and even though i'll always love that house and the sounds and smells and sights that it holds, it's my family, the people that helped make the memories, that will always be home.
so much for the bullet points. enough for now.

5 comments:

Nathan and Betsy said...

katherine,

i fully understand the devastation you feel about your parents selling your house! when my parents moved closer to calvin, i'm somewhat ashamed to admit, i threw a fit and said there was no way i could condone their selling the house i had grown up in, even though it made logical sense for them to move. you put your feelings so well in the blog here...it feels like a loss of memories. the upside, in a sense, of all this, is that it brings those memories flooding back. how long has it been since you've actually carefully thought about the time when your sister claimed her goldfish tore the wallpaper? and how great does it make you feel to remember how much trouble you all got into together? it's a time to remember, and remembering generally comes with a sense of loss. it's normal, just don't let it hold on to you too tightly, or you'll turn into my family, who couldn't actually sell their house because a) there was so much stuff in it that my mom didn't want to get rid of, and b) there were so many memories that my mom didn't want to sell the house. and now they're stuck with their vagabond children moving in and out of their old house, painting and redecorating at will, rendering it in an unsellable state (apparently. i however, think a red kitchen increases the selling value. but i digress...). i empathize with the loss that comes with selling. take pictures, share your memories and your feelings, and realize that the transition is always continuing.

katherine said...

thanks, bets. it's nice to know that other people have similar feelings about selling "home." i'm glad that at least YOU don't think i'm crazy. :)

Anonymous said...

Everything passes, everything changes, nothing stands still. You can hold on really tight to the kite and get rope burn, or you can let go and watch it fly.

saricupery said...

I too am going to really miss the home of our childhood, Kat. It's going to be really weird to go "home" to a house I never lived in. But Betsy is right...the memories are what's important, and no one can take those away. Like when Tracy threw the hairbrush through the wall, or snipping beans in the bridge over the sandbox, or collecting "ammunition" for the fort in the backyard. Or eating Christmas dinner on the folding table while the kitchen was being remodeled and washing the dishes in the bathroom sink afterward. Or staying up way too late reading Baby Sitter's Club books to each other and plotting against "Theresa." We will always have those memories, whether we can physically revisit the place they occurred or not. Those are the precious things, not the walls. That said, yeah, I will miss the place a lot. Life goes on, I guess.

I really love that bit about the kite posted by Anonymous. That analogy really resonates with me. Thanks.

saricupery said...

Hey, how is the new Donald Miller book? I haven't picked it up yet. Is it worth it?